Tuesday, December 31, 2013

525,600 Minutes

Hello Everyone!

Once again, it has been awhile.  And for the first time in six months I have spent more than six days in my house in Anchorage, Alaska.  As there are moments of daylight left here in this cold, dark place I like to call home, it is soon to be New Years Eve, and tomorrow after the world is tired of partying and wakes up with hangovers, it will be the first of a new year, the first of 2014.

But I don't want to think about the future- at least that's not the purpose of this blog.  The purpose of this blog is to reflect on the year 2013.

This has no doubt been the most significant, life-changing, unexpected year of my life.  Life isn't just about numbers, it's not just about experiences you have, it's about how you feel, how you've changed and how you have grown and what you have learned from those experiences and numbers.

To recap in the year 2013:
I got accepted into six out of the seven colleges I applied to.
I graduated with honors from high school
I learned Turkish and went to Turkey with NSLI-Y
I moved to Wisconsin for college
I've joined numerous clubs and have been to numerous and amazing on campus events.

But it's not just about the things that I've done that I've listed above.  Those are things to put on a resume.  What matters more- what matters to me, at least is how these have changed me, of what I've learned from this.  And let me tell you I've learned a lot.  I've learned how to just be there for people and listen.  I've learned that working in a group is just as important as working individually.  I've learned that everywhere people have different stories and backgrounds.  I've learned not to judge people as I truly cannot understand where they are coming from.  And I've tried to help as many people as I can.

Needless to say I've changed over this year.  Why does this matter?  After all people change all the time, I've changed as a person before.  What does changing as person really even mean?

While there are no concrete answers to these questions, here is what I think.  I know myself better than anyone else.  I know that this year I have experienced the most radical, rapid, brutal and beautiful changes of my life.  I turned eighteen and then two days later I went to Turkey.  I moved to college six days after I got back, leaving me to figure out everything.  I am really independent now.  I decide when to study, what groups to join, who my friends are, what I want to eat, everything is all up to me.  This is scary, but it is also beautiful.  I hope I've expressed in former entries how difficult, yet amazing my college experience has been.  The things I've learned there, the conversations I've had and the people I've meet have all left there mark.  I'm not the same person I was in August and I'm not the same person I was before I left for Turkey. Experiences in life have the potential to change people for the better, but only if you let them.  I have been trying not to care to much what people think of me- after all it doesn't matter, but to go beyond that I have been trying to learn something and gain something positive out of every interaction I have with someone.  No doubt I've made mistakes, I've hurt people, but every day I try to be better than the day before.  I try to improve myself, not so people will like me, but if I never try, if I never try to improve, to make myself better and to help other people, I don't know what I would be doing with my life.

What does it mean to really change as a person?  This question is not as philosophical as it sounds.  For me, I've changed a lot, but what that means is I have has more experiences which I've decided to take, learn from and think about than before.  To me, changing as a person isn't having a divine prophecy or epitome, it's choosing to think about your experiences and life in a different way- a way you hadn't thought of them before.  It's also deciding what defines you rather than letting experiences and things that have happened to you define you.

So, in conclusion, this year has been amazing and needless to say I've changed a lot.  I've become more independent, I've learned to be comfortable on my own, but I've also faced a lot of challenges.  I am still trying to figure out how to balance family and my newfound independence.  I am figuring out what I want to study and who is truly worth my time.  I am figuring and finding out who I am and who I want to be.  What I want to do and how I want to get there.  While this sounds trivial and cheesy, it is important to me, important for me to think about and the most important questions I will answer in my life.

525,600 minutes, how do you measure a year?  I'm not sure how to measure a year- if a year can be measured.  I feel as though I have done more, gained more, cried more, and laughed more this year than any other.  Oftentimes I have felt way to young to be doing what I'm doing, to be on my own, in college, to handle my own friendships with people and make my own decisions and habits, but I'm not. I'm exactly where I want and need to be.  And yes things will be different next year, in 2014, not right away, but soon enough.  And rather than focus on what will be different and embrace the way things will before, I will embrace and take advantage of every beautiful and amazing moment regardless of what it may be.

So here's to living life, here's to change, here's to different, here's to beauty and here's to you 2014.  I'm not afraid of what will be, I'm excited to see what is to come.

To everyone, have a safe a happy New Years!

Till next time,
Sarah

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Everything After

Hello Readers,
It's been a while.

As anyone who has read this blog before knows that by this point I am in college.  What you might not know is that I am not continuing Turkish, but I will address this in a moment.

It is raining as the changing of the leaves on the trees brighten up the gray sky.  I walk back to my dorm after work as I do not have class this afternoon and I know...
I know that this is where I am suppose to be right now.  Right here, in this moment.

It is needless to say that I am and have changed again, since I left Turkey, but Turkey and my experiences there are still meaningful and the language I learned is still important to me.  But this is also important.  It is difficult to describe my college experience, so far and I don't know if I will ever be able to explain it fully to anyone and no doubt it will change, again.  But in this moment, this is my attempt.

Being here is one of the most challenging, frustrating, and difficult things I've done.  It is also one of the most beautiful, incredible and amazing experiences of my life.  Every moment of every day, every interaction I have with someone, I learn something, I gain something from that experience.  I have learned just as much in the classroom as I have by talking to people at dinner or just trying something new.  And I have made incredible friends by doing this.

College has also been incredibly frustrating.  I came into college thinking that I knew what I want to do, not only as a major, but I (thought) I knew who I wanted to work for, as well.  This is still more or less the same, I find myself not knowing exactly what I want in life.  On a more personal level I came to college not expecting anything.  I thought I would get my degree, graduate, and that would be the end of the story. Needless to say I was wrong.  I have learned so much.  I have come to love this place and I am constantly learning and relearning how to love myself, the place I am at in my life and others.

During this thing called college, I have found that my experiences in Turkey haven't left me.  What I can express in words that I have gained from studying abroad is that well your experience does come to an end, the place(s) you go never truly leave you, they stay with you, influence you and help you understand.  Also independence.  It is hard to explain what I mean by this, but if I hadn't gone to Turkey I would not be as comfortable being as independent as I am in college.  And then there is Turkish.  I would love to continue studying Turkish and eventually become fluent in it, but unfortunately I do not have the time nor is it possible for me to take Turkish at another university. However I do plan on studying it during winter and summer breaks, depending on how much free time I have.

I guess my point, my reason for writing this is, I wanted to write something about how a study abroad experience doesn't just stay in the country when you leave.  It comes with you, you take pieces of that life you had for a summer/semester/year and incorporate it into your current ever changing life.  I also wanted to give anyone/everyone who still reads this an update on how college is going.

"Either writes something worth reading or do something worth writing."
-Benjamin Franklin
I find a lot of truth in this quote and even though I am still figuring out how to express my thoughts, ideas and actions in writing.  I know I am doing something worth writing about every minute of every day, or I try to at least.  While I don't know where my life is going and I don't see my life coming together any time soon, I am learning how to cherish the moment.  It was easier in Turkey because six weeks is such a short amount of time compared to four years.  I am learning, though that this moment is a moment already passed and might never come again.  Which is why I am working to do everything I possibly can here, take advantage of all the opportunities as they come to me, because they may never come again.  And this is scary, but it's a lot scarier to think about what you could've done, when the moment is already past.

In short I am just doing everything I love and I'll let life work itself out.  I'll figure it out.  Somedays it feels like I will have no time to do everything that I want, but I get through those.  I am starting to view life as an unexpected beautiful journey and I, for the time being, am just here to enjoy the ride.

That's all I really wanted to say.
Till next time,
Sarah

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Hello Everyone!

So to whomever is still reading this, I am sorry, but I have been really busy ever since I've got back from Turkey.

First of all since I've returned home, my life has changed again.  I have been in college for three weeks now!  So far it is mostly fun.  If anyone cares I am taking intro to Anthropology, Spanish, International Politics and a first year seminar course.  As much fun as college is, it is also a lot of work, which is mostly why I haven't been updating because I really haven't had time.

As I am in college after studying abroad I've realized a few things, 1) I am use to this sense of independence that I have.  Of course I am still slightly adjusting because I have more independence than I did in Turkey, but I feel like if I hadn't had that experience adjusting to this would be harder.  2) I seem to be better at resolving conflict.  I am way more direct with people now about what I want and how I am feeling.  This is really good and my communication with people I feel is much better than before I left.  3) I am just generally better at connecting with people.  There is a guy in my first year seminar class from Istanbul and we get along super well, aside from that I find that I am just better to relating and understanding people as a whole.

I'm not really sure what else to say in this post.  In case you are wondering I have only talked to my host sister through Facebook a few times.  I really want to stay in communication with my host family, but I have been so busy here it is really hard.  On the plus side I am getting more use to the courseload which is good.

Here is the reflection part.  There are some aspect of Turkey that stay with me.  When I walk off my quite college campus to go to the bookstore I expect crowed Turkish streets, people hustling about and cars that won't stop for you.  And in these moments I miss Turkey, I miss Bursa and I miss constantly learning.  Don't get me wrong I am constantly learning here, it is just a different type of learning.  My point is that no matter what happens to me in this month, year and in life Turkey will always be a part of me.

I'm not sure how often I'll be blogging from now on.  I might update occasionally if something really exciting in my life happens.  I just wanted to update saying that all is well, I am having an amazing time in college and I wanted to write saying that even though my study abroad experience is over my life is not.  I will continue existing in this vast world trying and hoping to make a difference.  Leaving places and people better than I found them and most importantly enjoying the ride known as life.

I also might decide to continue blogging in a few years when I have the opportunity to go abroad again.

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Leaving

As you can tell by the post title these wonderful six weeks have come to an end.  On Friday I will leave, with my bags packed once again and travel almost half way around the world to return home.  This blog post is only an attempt at describing my feelings.

Six weeks, if you think about it, it really isn't that much amount of time, I mean really, what can happen in six weeks?  A lot.  In these past six weeks I have moved half way across the world, gotten lost and have effectively communicated with people who don't speak English.  And this my friends, is just the beginning.

People are so amazing.  People who were just names on a piece of paper six weeks ago have accepted me into their home and have done so much for me, it is unbelieveable.  And of course I have changed.  I've grown up.  I've become way more independent.  I can work the public transportation system in a country where I can barely speak the langauge. There's more to this though.

Here you're actions speak 100X louder than words.  Why?  Because you can't speak the language.  Even subtle things that you wouldn't even notice at home can be a big deal here.  Imagine having everyone judge you based on what you do and not what you say.  Words help a lot, but this has also taught me something. You can say anything you want, but until you actually do it, what you say doesn't mean anything.

Before I left a friend gave me this quote "Travel is more than the seeing of sights.  It is change deep and permant in the ideas of living".  I think I understand this quote better now.  I have had the opportunity to live in a city that is over 1000 years old.  I have learned history, gained a better understanding of a major world religion, and met people who have completely different views from me.  And I have barely scratched the surface.

I know now, that this is what I want to do.  I want to travel, I want to learn languages, meet and understand people from all over the world.  I don't neccessarily want to change the world, though.  I want the world to change me and help as many people as I can along the way.

"Exchange is change, rapid, brutal, beautiful change."  I've changed, not a lot, I am still me, but I think I am starting to understand better.  Understand that I should pay attention to what I do as well as what I say and understand that people everywhere are more or less the same.  We all want to love and be loved in return, we all have wants, hopes, desires and dreams.  Of course it has taken me a while to get here.  And this experience has been the most difficult experience of my life.  Not being able to express myself fully and not being able to communicate effecitively is hard, really hard.

No one has to go anywhere and no one has to learn another language  I mean after all it's comfortable over there, why would you ever want to change, go somewhere different?  Because you learn, love, laugh and cry so much.  Coming to Turkey, I had no idea what to expect or what I would find.  And all I have found is that people are really friendly, even when you don't speak Turkish they are still really friendly.  By coming here, my mind and heart have been opened a little more.

I don't want to pack and leave.  I want to stay here longer because I feel as though I am jurtst starting to understand.  Unfortnately that is not an option.  If anyone who has thought about going abroad, go for as long as you can.  It might not always be easy, but it will be one of the best experiences of your life.

As I am typing this, two days from now I will have said goodbye to my host family and be on a bus and then a farry headed for İstanbul.  It's amazing how much your life can change in one day, one week and one month.  Sooner than I would like to, I will be back home, packing for another adventure.

As the sunsets upon this ancient, mountanious city it is poetic.  Bursa has left an impression upon me, an impression that I don't want to fade or forget.  And going home after this has it's own challenges, but like coming here I am neither prepared nor ready for what lies ahead.

The next time I post, I will be back home, in Alaska, speaking English.  To the people who helpeisd me get here, mom, dad, Haley and any friends who are reading this, thank you so much, I honestly don't know what I would do without you.  To anyone else who reads this.  Thanks for reading, however these words do not even express half of what I have experienced and what it is truely like to study abroad.

Till next time,
-Sarah

Monday, July 29, 2013

Bu Hafta

Merhaba!

So this blog title translate to This Week!

Pazartesi ve Salı: These days I didn't really do much, just school and home mostly.  It is really nice though and I appreciate these days because I have time to relax.  But not much happene.

Çarşamba: This day was awesome.  After school we went as a group to volunteer at an underprivliged childrens center.  While we mostly played games, it was really nice to interact with them and it was really fun.

Perşambe:  Thursday was so much fun.  I went out with my host sister and her friends for İftar.  It was great to meet all of her friends and they really liked me and I really liked them.  It was such a fun evening and that made me really wish I was staying  here for a year and going to a Turkish high school, but I am in no way complaining.  The amount of time I have been giving here is amazing.  It's just hard not to wish it was longer.

Cuma:  On Friday, after school I went shopping with some of the other Americans to Kosa Han, the İpek pazar.  It was great to go shopping and I got more gifts for my family and friends.  I think I am going to bring back an entire suitcase of gifts for people, either way I need another one because my one is already overweight.  But anyway, shopping was fun and Kosa Han is çok güzel.

Cumartesi:  This day I slept in and went to a cousins house for İftar.  İftar in the evening was really fun because I am starting to speak more Turkish and am able to understand way more.  I am still a beginner, of course, but my Turkish is a million times better than it was before I came.  I really don't want to leave Turkey, I want to stay and become fluent in Türkçe.  Oh well, it is what it is.  After İftar we went to our summer house and then we went home.  I got home at 1:30, slept for two hours, woke up at 3 for kahvaltı then slept until nine.

Pazar:  On Sunday we went to Yalova, which is a town about an hour and a half away from Bursa.  It was by the sea and so pretty.  We only stayed there for a few hours, though.  We then went food shopping, went to our summer house for İftar then a few hours later came back home.  It was a good and relaxing day. There was a lot of driving, though.

That was pretty much my week.  I know I didn't write much, and believe me, I could've written way more.  I am just trying not to spend too much time on the computer.  All in all it was a really good week.  I can't believe that in less than two weeks I will be back in the U.S.  This is really crazy.  I also didn't write much because things here are more or less normal and I have settled into what is more or less of a routine here.

I love it here and I love Turkey.  This truely is an experience of a lifetime and I am going to spend this next week and a half learning as much as I can and seeing as much as I can.

Till next time
-Sarah  

Monday, July 22, 2013

Half Way There

So, as you can tell from the title, I have been in Turkey for three weeks and have three weeks left.

My blog entry today is going to be about last week.

Monday-  On Monday I went to school, like normal.  School is normal at this point.  It is constant and doesn't change along with lunch.  Anyway after school I went to a bizarre to go shopping and get present for my family and friends, unfortunately I didn't bring enough money, so I'll just have to come back. We got home around four and then watched T.V until we went to my host Uncle's place for İftar.  My host family and extended host family is great.  They are all so nice and my little host cousins are adorable.

Tuesday- On Tuesday's we have peer language tutoring at a park.  After this I walked around Bursa with my host sister and her friend.  This was way better than it sounds.  We just walked around Bursa for an hour or so.  Bursa is so pretty and it was so much fun.  I really want to go exploring\shopping again before I leave, so I will have to make that a priority.

Wednesday- This was a really interesting day.  After school we took a bus to İznik, which is about an hour outside of Bursa.  İznik was so pretty and we also had some time to go shopping.  It was wonderful.  However my host sister didn't come because she had English class.  We got back to Bursa at 8 in the evening and I took the bus home.  The bus didn't stop where it usually stops, meaning I got slightly lost.  I use the word slightly because I had a general idea of where I was.  Again this seems totally fine, but it was getting dark and it was after the evening call to prayer meaning a lot of people were having İftar, so there weren't a lot of people on the streets.  I made it back home safe, but still I was so nervous and scared I wouldn't make it back.

Thursday-  I can't really remember what I did on Thursday after class and peer language tutoring.  Sorry.

Friday-  On Friday after school, I came home and after my sister finished her homework we watched films until İftar, it was a muh needed relaxing evening. I also went to a mosque with my host family during prayer time.  This was a very interesting experience.  I can't really describe it, but I'm glad I went.

Saturday- On Saturday we had the option of going with the group to a seramik studio.  It was so much fun!  We got to paint our own pots and it was really cool to see a very traditional art of Turkey.  I am also excited to see how mine turns out.  After that we went to the sinema and then we went home and I did my homework.  It was a very fun, but also a very long day.

Sunday- Yesterday my host family hosted this big İftar party at our summer house, so we spent all day getting ready.  The party itself was fun and I got home at 1:30 in the morning.  I fell alsleep for about an hour and a half, but generally here I am staying up so much later.  Hopefully that will make that will make the first few weeks of college easier.

All in all these three weeks in Turkey have been amazing and I can't wait to see what these next few weeks will bring.  Also I will post pictures when I get back, as I didn't bring my own computuer.

Till next time,
-Sarah

Monday, July 15, 2013

Weekend Trips and Cutural Differences

Merhaba!

First of all this week has been great!  The longer I am here the more I love it.

Now I would like to aplogize for my last entry.  I realized I didn't say much, but I really had to go to school. But don't worry, everything here has been great.

First of all this week has by been really good.  But I am going to talk about the weekend.

Over the weekend we went to Troia (Troy) and Çanakkale.  Çanakkale was really fun.  It was a long trip, though.  Çanakkale is a very important town where a lot of Word War I battels took place.  It was really great to see all of this history  up close.  However like I said it was really long.  At midnight we took a seven hour bus ride there and came back to Bursa at midnight Sunday.

On Sunday my host family ans I visited Uludağ.  The mountain in Bursa.  Again it was so much fun.  We just went exploring.  It was great and I took lots of pictures!

This place and this experience is truely amazing.  I am so so glad I have this amazing opportunity.  I am also sorry because I can't\don't have time to write about everything that has happened.  I will maybe try writing about everthing that has happened this week next week.  Although since Ramadan\Ramazan has started I have been over to a lot of people's houses for İftar- or the breaking of the fast.

Since I have been in Turkey for two weeks here are some cultural differences I have noticed:
1. Call to Prayer:
    This is absolutely beautiful and yes it does play five times a day.
2. Food:
    Obviously the food here is different, but it is not just that.  There is so much food here and people offer    you so much it is ridiculous.  Along with this Turkish tea is served at every meal.  I love Turkish tea so much.  I don't know how I am going to live without it in the states.
3. Ramazan:
    For those of you who don't know Ramadan- or Ramazan as the Turks call it Ramazan- has started.  This means people are going all day without food or water. It is really amazing and I can't imagine what it would be like to fast for an entire month.  Anyway, this means İftar, the breaking of the fast.  Along with İftar there is also drumming in the street at 3 a.m to wake people up for breakfeast.  The drumming is actually reall cool and I like it a lot.
4. Driving:
    The driving here is a lot more crazy and crossing the street is jay walking when there is no trafik.  Mom don't worry I am safe and completely fine.
5. Time:
    This is realated to doing stuff.  Turkish time is much more relaxed and sometimes people will say they will do something and we'll end up doing something else.  I actually really like this.  It's fun to just go with the flow and I love waking up and not knowing what is going to happen.  It's great.

That's about all for now.  Tomorrow I will take the bus by myself.  I am really excited.  I will also sort through pictures when I get back to the states.

Hope to update in a week!
Görüşürüz
-Sarah