Hello Everyone!
Once again, it has been awhile. And for the first time in six months I have spent more than six days in my house in Anchorage, Alaska. As there are moments of daylight left here in this cold, dark place I like to call home, it is soon to be New Years Eve, and tomorrow after the world is tired of partying and wakes up with hangovers, it will be the first of a new year, the first of 2014.
But I don't want to think about the future- at least that's not the purpose of this blog. The purpose of this blog is to reflect on the year 2013.
This has no doubt been the most significant, life-changing, unexpected year of my life. Life isn't just about numbers, it's not just about experiences you have, it's about how you feel, how you've changed and how you have grown and what you have learned from those experiences and numbers.
To recap in the year 2013:
I got accepted into six out of the seven colleges I applied to.
I graduated with honors from high school
I learned Turkish and went to Turkey with NSLI-Y
I moved to Wisconsin for college
I've joined numerous clubs and have been to numerous and amazing on campus events.
But it's not just about the things that I've done that I've listed above. Those are things to put on a resume. What matters more- what matters to me, at least is how these have changed me, of what I've learned from this. And let me tell you I've learned a lot. I've learned how to just be there for people and listen. I've learned that working in a group is just as important as working individually. I've learned that everywhere people have different stories and backgrounds. I've learned not to judge people as I truly cannot understand where they are coming from. And I've tried to help as many people as I can.
Needless to say I've changed over this year. Why does this matter? After all people change all the time, I've changed as a person before. What does changing as person really even mean?
While there are no concrete answers to these questions, here is what I think. I know myself better than anyone else. I know that this year I have experienced the most radical, rapid, brutal and beautiful changes of my life. I turned eighteen and then two days later I went to Turkey. I moved to college six days after I got back, leaving me to figure out everything. I am really independent now. I decide when to study, what groups to join, who my friends are, what I want to eat, everything is all up to me. This is scary, but it is also beautiful. I hope I've expressed in former entries how difficult, yet amazing my college experience has been. The things I've learned there, the conversations I've had and the people I've meet have all left there mark. I'm not the same person I was in August and I'm not the same person I was before I left for Turkey. Experiences in life have the potential to change people for the better, but only if you let them. I have been trying not to care to much what people think of me- after all it doesn't matter, but to go beyond that I have been trying to learn something and gain something positive out of every interaction I have with someone. No doubt I've made mistakes, I've hurt people, but every day I try to be better than the day before. I try to improve myself, not so people will like me, but if I never try, if I never try to improve, to make myself better and to help other people, I don't know what I would be doing with my life.
What does it mean to really change as a person? This question is not as philosophical as it sounds. For me, I've changed a lot, but what that means is I have has more experiences which I've decided to take, learn from and think about than before. To me, changing as a person isn't having a divine prophecy or epitome, it's choosing to think about your experiences and life in a different way- a way you hadn't thought of them before. It's also deciding what defines you rather than letting experiences and things that have happened to you define you.
So, in conclusion, this year has been amazing and needless to say I've changed a lot. I've become more independent, I've learned to be comfortable on my own, but I've also faced a lot of challenges. I am still trying to figure out how to balance family and my newfound independence. I am figuring out what I want to study and who is truly worth my time. I am figuring and finding out who I am and who I want to be. What I want to do and how I want to get there. While this sounds trivial and cheesy, it is important to me, important for me to think about and the most important questions I will answer in my life.
525,600 minutes, how do you measure a year? I'm not sure how to measure a year- if a year can be measured. I feel as though I have done more, gained more, cried more, and laughed more this year than any other. Oftentimes I have felt way to young to be doing what I'm doing, to be on my own, in college, to handle my own friendships with people and make my own decisions and habits, but I'm not. I'm exactly where I want and need to be. And yes things will be different next year, in 2014, not right away, but soon enough. And rather than focus on what will be different and embrace the way things will before, I will embrace and take advantage of every beautiful and amazing moment regardless of what it may be.
So here's to living life, here's to change, here's to different, here's to beauty and here's to you 2014. I'm not afraid of what will be, I'm excited to see what is to come.
To everyone, have a safe a happy New Years!
Till next time,
Sarah
